You Promised
by livsgirl
Summary: Olivia broke the most important promise ever.


**A/N: This is the total opposite of what I usually write. Go ahead and grab a tissue you may need it. I needed one by the end. As always reviews are welcomed.**

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Alex twisted the tissue she had in her hand. She felt as if she was in a nightmare. One that wasn't ending and never will end. Her mind drifted to Monday evening when she answered the door of her and Olivia's penthouse they shared.

"Cragen what's wrong?" Alex asked as she opened the door and saw the Captain for the 16 Special Victims Unit. The look he had told him it was bad.

"Alex can I come in?"

"Don what is it? What's happened?" Alex choked out knowing deep in her heart she was getting the visit that every Officers wife or husband dreaded getting. The one that ended their life as they knew it.

"I'm so sorry Alex." Cragen whispered as tears sprang from his eyes and fell freely down his cheeks. "They were serving an arrest warrant and was ambushed. Olivia was shot several times. She died at the scene."

"NO. NO. NO" Alex screamed as she had begun to punch Cragen in the chest before slapping him across the face.

Cragen took what Alex was dishing out. He knew all too well her grief. He himself was facing termination when he walked up to the man who had killed the very woman he saw as a daughter and pulled his gun on him. He had forced the barrel of the gun into the perp's mouth and was set to pull the trigger but Elliot Stabler had stopped him. Which shocked him and everyone at the scene.

After a few minutes of screaming and hitting the Captain she had collapsed into his arms crying uncontrollably. Sobs racking through her whole body. He had gently lifted her in his arms amazed at how light she was and carried her the couch holding her as if she was a child until she cried herself to sleep.

That following morning she had awoken in her bed believing she had had a bad nightmare. That was until she had walked out into the living room and had saw Olivia's family, the other detectives she worked with, in the living room. The look of loss and grief told her that her worst nightmare had came true.

Munch looked as if he had aged ten years overnight. The years he spent on the job finally taking its toll on him. Fin was pacing the room as silent tears streaked down his face. Cragen sat at her kitchen table with a bottle of unopened scotch and a glass in front of him. He desperately wanted to drown his pain but years of AA had taught him drowning his sorrows solved nothing. The one that was painfully taking it hard was her partner Elliot Stabler. He sat in the corner his knees brought into his chest and blame written all over his face. Her wall apparently taking the brunt of his anger.

"Alex" Elliot said as he leapt to his feet "Please forgive me I'm so sorry. I did everything I could."

" STOP" Alex had screamed at him "You didn't do enough. Shes not here with me. Why couldn't it be you. Why Olivia? Why?"

She knew it was wrong to say. No one ever wanted to lose an officer in the line of duty. She also knew that each of them in that room would have gladly taken Olivia's spot just to take the pain that Alex was going through away.

Truth of the matter was if it hadn't been for each of "guys" and the department she would not have been able to make it through the days that followed. Everyone from SVU had escorted her to claim the body. A process that was expedited thanks to the help of Melinda Warner the medical examiner that worked with them. Elliot having known Olivia the longest assisted with the final arrangements of her casket and service. Cragen and Munch arranged it with the department to make sure she received the proper fallen officer burial per protocol. Fin had the dreaded task that finalized Olivia's death and Burial. He had to gather her dress blues and take it to the funeral home. Every step leading her to where she was now..

"Alex are you ready?" Stabler quietly asked as he walked into the bedroom

She looked up at him amazed at how good he looked in his dress blues. It reminded her of how hot Olivia always looked when she had to wear them. How much she complained when she had to put it on like she knew everyone else did.

"As ready as I'll ever be." Alex choked out as she stood on shaky legs. "Elliot I am so sorry for everything I said to you earlier. It was…."

"Already forgiven and shall never be mentioned again. I know how you felt Alex. I loved her too. It may have not been in the same manner as you did. But I loved her still the same. You just said what I was asking myself all night. Why couldn't it have been me? She had finally found the happiness and love that she desperately deserved. You two deserved fifty more years not just the five you have gotten."

The service was a blur and if you had asked Alex what was said she would have looked at you like you had a third eye. She may have caught every third word if that as she silently and constantly asked god why did he take the one she loved. Why? Why? Why?

She stood when she felt Elliot tugging on her arm to help her to her feet. Slowly and without the assistance of Elliot she made her way to the open casket. She smiled at her love one knowing this would be the last time she would ever see her hardened yet angelic face again in person. Slowly she reached out and ran her fingers through her short hair.

"You promised you would be home. You promised everything would be ok. You promised I would never have to go through this. You promised to be extra careful." Alex whispered as tears poured from her eyes "For the first time ever you lied to me. You're not home, everything is not ok, and I have to go through this. Don't you worry in heaven my love. It is ok. We both knew this day may come. I love Olivia Benson. I always will. Till we meet in heaven."

Slowly she reached up and secured the lid of the coffin. With closing the lid she closed all her hopes and dreams she ever had.


End file.
